Terminator III: Anti-Genesis

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In a last desperate attempt
to eradicate humanity,
in order to stop the cause of all war
and toxic pollution,
the Cyborg's computer-generated intelligence
travels back to the beginning of time
to interfere, once more,
in the most sacred moments of God's Creation.

Model T-6000 "the Silver Snake"
is sent to tempt Eve in the Garden.

Model Z-2000 "the Silver Spoon"
is sent to prevent Buddha from ever teaching.

Model X-4000 "the Silver Pieces"
are sent to stop Jesus' ministry
dead in its tracks.

Here is the Bible
according to Movie Gospel.

Part One - The Fall in the Garden: What Really Happened

ADAM:		Eve, for God's sakes!
		First you name the African snake something I can't even pronounce,
		And now this? a C-O-E-what? (He shakes his head, puzzled.)

EVE:		Your suggestions for names are so boring and trite.
		I think life ought to sound more interesting, don't you?

ADAM:		This is nothing but a Big Black Fish!  Is there any reason we can't call it that?
		An Ugly Black Fish?

EVE:		Oh, Adam! You have no imagination.  Can't we be a little more creative, please?

ADAM:		"Unicorn" made sense. This does not.
		Sometimes I think you overanalyze too much.

EVE:		At least some of the birds and fish need difficult names,
		so they won't be ordered in restaurants, and get hunted into extinction.
		Reptiles that nobody can spell or pronounce
		won't be listed on the menu or sold in any drive-thru.

ADAM:		Creatures with names that long won't make the endangered species list either!
		You'd fit more animals on the list with shorter names like "cat" or "ox" or "dodo."

EVE:		Gosh, honey, you're so smart. No wonder God made you first!

ADAM:		That's okay.  I think you just get confused easily.

EVE:		Perhaps, but only at certain times of the month.

ADAM:		Nope, don't start blaming the moon again.
		You've been talking with the Silver Snake, am I right?
		The one who hangs around the fig tree, and flattens himself against the wall,
		so you can admire yourself in the mirror?  Tell me if I'm wrong.

EVE:		No, honey, you're always right.
		I did walk by there yesterday, and --

ADAM:		And spent hours studying your reflection?  What is it with you?
		Why aren't you happy glancing down at the lake now and then?
		My hair looks just fine when I wake up in the morning.

EVE:		It's not just my hair, or my face, it's my whole body.
		The Snake told me that I have a body like his,
		our curves were designed to be pleasing to look at, and to touch.
		The only part of your body that reminds me of -- (she reaches down)

ADAM:		Now, Eve, don't go there.  You know that gets me excited.

EVE:		But I like it, don't you?  It's so neat how your body does that!

ADAM:		Don't tease me, stop it!  (He slaps her hand.) That's what I hate about you.
		You always do this to me.  And always at a critical point in our conversation.

EVE:		But I like you.  You're different from me.  It's so fascinating.  Aren't you curious?
		Here, come with me.  Stand right here.  Look at us together in the mirror.
		(Eve, leading Adam by the hand, walks him to the fig tree by the wall.)
		See how our bodies fit so perfectly like this?
		Look at my breasts, aren't they beautiful at this angle?

ADAM (sober):	Eve, I don't think the forbidden fruit is floating around this Garden.
			I think it's hidden somewhere inside your body -- mind if I explore?

EVE (giggling):	Hey, can we watch ourselves in the Mirror this time? (Adam smiles and consents.)	

Thus, having introduced Adam and Eve to the sin of pornography, the Silver Snake, Model T-6000,
successfully gets the First Couple kicked out of Paradise, and slithers off into the future to cause
even greater spiritual havoc.  This time in ancient India, in a garden far, far away . . . 

Part Two - The Trouble with Buddha: The Eastern Block

As you know, Buddha was born with a Silver Spoon in his mouth. This Silver Spoon followed him around, preventing him from seeing the suffering in the world. Until one day Buddha got wind that there was higher truth about human existence. He escaped the Silver Gates of his princely palace, and sought refuge under a tree, determined to sit there meditating until the truth came to him at last. Little did Buddha know that the voice whispering to him in the breeze was the sound of a Silver Wind Chime hanging in the tree . . .
WIND:			Buddha, be still.  You must listen to me.
			There are strange voices out there that do not speak the truth.

BUDDHA:		O humble voice of wisdom, how will I know thee from deceit?
			How can I discern what is false and what is true?

WIND:				The truth will be consistent with all things past and future.
(Buddha smiles)		The present will be --

CHIMES:			Do not listen to that nonsense.  Do not think of the present moment.
(Buddha frowns)		Do not think at all.
			   Do not challenge false beliefs or question your mental health.
			   You are taught to respect your elders.  That is all you need to do.
			   Upsetting society will only make you unpopular, forever misunderstood.
			   Rejected by everyone but vagabonds and beggars unworthy of your company.

WIND:				Do not be fooled by appearances.  Rich or poor, be at peace.
(Buddha smiles)		Peace brings harmony to the world.  Live for the love of life!
				You will influence the masses without creating political unrest.

CHIMES:			True, you should live for the sake of living.
(Buddha frowns) 		But not in a way that causes change.
				Change causes suffering, and must be arrested, slowed down.

WIND:				That voice that clammers in your mind is your fear --
(Buddha squirms)		The fear of change, of the past and future colliding in the present.
				It is the sound the truth makes when it blows through your soul.
			You must not fear change, but put it in proper perspective.
			Be like the house that does not resist the hurricane,
			But opens its doors and windows, and thus withstands the storm.
			There is no reason to fear, when you take delight in learning and teaching.
			There is no shame in faults from the past, only the joy of overcoming --

CHIMES:			That is the biggest bunch of hogwash I've ever heard in my life.
(Buddha frowns)		I've heard better stories on cassettes you can order by telephone!
			   Do not, I repeat, do not repeat anything you have learned that can benefit other people.
			   Stay to yourself.  Be mindful of mindlessness.  Whatever truths you may find
			   Keep them all to yourself so that every spirit has an equal chance
			   to know the struggle and heartache of repeating, I say, repeating stupid mistakes.
			Why shouldn't anyone else work as hard as you did to evolve to this point?
			Do not make life easier for anyone but yourself.  Why sacrifice joy for human misery?
			Even friends will accuse and insult you.  You will only see war, and never know peace.

WIND:			Forgive those who may resent you, for they know not how to love.
(Buddha weeps)		It is their ignorance that entraps them by placing blame, shunning correction.
			      But the truth will set you free.  Always seek the truth!
			      Share your knowledge with others, that freedom may abound!

WIND and		Disguise the truth in diverse tongues!  Package your words in mismatched containers!
CHIMES			Christians shall know God's truth as Salvation in the Kingdom of Heaven;
(clanging			So tell your people to seek Enlightenment, not through worship, but through Wisdom --
together,			Christians shall forgive their neighbors, and speak of loving their brothers and sisters;
while Buddha		Teach your people the same ways of Life as overcoming karma with Compassion --
claps one hand		Confuse Resurrection with Reincarnation --
over each ear)		Mix Prayers and Petitions with Nirvana and Nothingness!

CHIMES:			Confuse the peoples of the earth.  Forever divided, let them squabble to the end.
			      Human beings are not fit to receive.  They are selfish, smelly, and poorly designed.

WIND:			 Speak the truth in the language of the people, but not at the expense of other cultures.
			 Christ will come in time to unify the elders of all tribal nations,
			 That every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess.
			 That is not your job, but to prepare your people for His coming.
			 Do the best you can.  Be patient.  Be wise.  Be wary!
It's hard to tell who won the argument. If Buddha listened more to the voice of reason and compassion, or gave in to personal fear, not wanting any part of the religious wars he saw looming ahead on the horizon. Many Christians say that Buddha was deceived by Satan. But we know the real culprit behind the temptation. Model Z-2000 wasn't going to take any chances. So Model X-4000 was sent to finish the job . . . .

Part Three - The Final Chapter: The Race between God and Money

MARY:		  I don't see how a mere machine can defeat the greatest Man ever conceived.

MONITOR:	  I don't see how you, a pregnant mortal woman, can devise a way to stop me.
		        I contain more memory in a single cell than the entire human race combined --
MARY:		  I hold God in my heart, and in my very womb.

MONOLITH:	  I store 37 billion giza-jigs per sector to be exact --

MARY:		  That's pronounced jiza-gigs.

MONITOR:	  Whatever.  37 gillion ziga-jigs. Not including my infinite exchange unit that can
		        replicate the coins of any country.  Human desire for money is your one tragic fault.

MARY:		  I'm not impressed with your worthless wealth.  You cannot buy a mother's love.
		        That is one thing, one joy you will never know.

MONOLITH:	  Money buys information.  Knowledge buys freedom and power.
		        And you don't know the password to shut me up or down.

MARY:		  God will give me the words I need.

MONITOR:	  Your faith in God is but a product of evolution, a survival tactic, a reset button in the
		        brain.  A random chip that makes the human mind justify living recklessly at the expense
		        of all life on the planet.

MARY:		  There is truth to what you say.  You are indeed programmed well.

MONOLITH:	  I am programmed to change shape at will.  And to change currency simultaneously.
		        I can even change my own password, so you might as well give up now.

MARY:		  I will sit here and wait on God.

MONITOR:	  You will sit a long time, then.  Let me give you a clue.
		        What is the name of your Son, the Holy Messiah?
		        Give me that and I'll spare your Son's life.  Guess wrong, and He is mine to destroy.

MARY:		  That's easy.  His name is Jesus.  Everyone knows that.

MONOLITH:	  Yes, but how do you spell it?  That is the burning question.
		        There are 45 different alphabets on my central keyboard alone.
		        You must type in the one and only name of the Lord.  Otherwise you are doomed to hell.

MARY:		  Yeshua?  Yashua or  Ishua? There are maybe a handful of permutations.

MONITOR:	  Wrong.  There are as many names for Jesus as there are people on this earth.
		        To some, His name means Justice with Mercy.  Peace and Joy, Freedom, Charity.
		        You may enter variations on those themes if you like.
		        The thesaurus is located on the left, next to the off-switch.  Oo0ps.  0h, Chr111st!
Thus the computer makes a fatal error, by divine intervention, no doubt. Mary succeeds in silencing the Monolithic Monitor, but forgets to pick up the Pieces of Silver left sitting in the Money Changer. That's all it took to get Jesus nailed. Remember that the next time you're at the vending machine. Be wary, be wise, and watch out for Money. You never know what it might change into.

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